


Save Me With Your Love

by smilingdestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexual Dean, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Comfort, Emotional Abuse, First Kiss, Fluff, High School AU, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Teenager Castiel, Teenager Dean, Top!Castiel, abusive!John, bottom!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11442072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilingdestiel/pseuds/smilingdestiel
Summary: John takes some hits on Dean, which causes Dean to have his worst panic attack yet. Castiel helps calm Dean down.





	Save Me With Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a High School AU but only because Dean and Castiel are 16 and Sam is 12.  
> Please comment any suggestions or things you liked! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)

John Winchester was, as you could say, a piece of work. Ever since his wife, Mary, had been killed, he turned for revenge to channel his grief. Revenge full of alcohol and treating his sons like soldiers. John left for weeks at a time on search for the killer of his wife. That left his eldest son, Dean, acting more like a father to his younger brother, Sam, than his father ever was. Dean had felt as if his father was blaming him and his brother for their mother's death.  
Twelve years after Mary's death, John had verbally, emotionally, and physically abused Dean. Dean felt worthless. His father made sure of that when he had gotten drunk enough. But Dean had to stay strong. For Sammy. Everything he had done was for Sammy. He worked at a local grocery store to pay for things when they're father had left without a word. He payed for presents when John was gone for Christmas or even Sam's birthday. Sam, being twelve at this point, loved his father. He understood what Dean had told him. The lies Dean had to make up in order to keep Sammy happy. The lies in which John had to go on business trips to afford to raise them by himself, and how it hurt John to have to say goodbye, so he just didn't. Sam understood. Sam looked up to his father. Sam didn't understand why Dean didn't look up to John the way he did, and Dean wouldn't tell him.  
Dean had anxiety. He became anxious every time his father stepped through the door. Was he sober? No, he's an alcoholic. Of course he's drunk. He made sure to put Sam in bed or have him do his homework in his bedroom with music on or have him spend the night at a friends so little Sammy didn't have to hear his father yell at Dean. Tell him how worthless, weak, and stupid he was. Dean was used to it. But sometimes his father would say something else, something new. Or if Dean had messed up something, his father would notice and Dean would be punished enough to know not to make the same mistake again. Those often caused his panic or anxiety attacks. He couldn't control them as his father screamed at him, or sometimes even struck him with his fist. But again, Dean was used to it.  
On this particular day, Dean was driving the Impala, grateful that his father hadn't taken it when he had left. He encountered a stop sign, and of course, he stopped. The driver behind him must have been on their phone, or distracted even, as they bumped the back of the Impala. Not hard enough to cause a great amount of damage, but enough to make a good amount of scratches, and mark off some of the smooth black paint. It was very obvious to the naked eye. Dean hoped his father wouldn't be home in the next couple days, as he needed time to get paint and fix up the Impala. If his father came home, and saw that - well Dean just really hoped he didn't come home.  
The only person who could calm down Dean while he was having a panic or anxiety attack was Castiel, his best friend. They had been best friends ever since elementary school. Not to mention, the only person who he could talk to about everything. Castiel accepted Dean as bisexual, something he thought Cas would leave him for. After all, his homophobic father would. Castiel made him beyond happy, as if Dean wasn't worthless, as if he actually had a purpose.  
Dean drove home, getting home late. He quickly fixed Sam up a sandwich for a late dinner.  
"Why were you late?" Sam asked as he took a bite of his pb&j sandwich.  
"Impala got a little scratched up. Someone wasn't paying attention," Dean muttered, putting his head in his hands as he sat at the table across from Sam.  
"I'm sure it'll be fine. Dad won't mind as long as you clean it up," Sam smiled reassuringly. Sam had always offered comfort to Dean that he didn't deserve. But he didn't want to burden his brother with the truth, so he returned a small smile.  
"Alright, well I have to go upstairs and finish a project that's due later this week. Thanks for dinner, Dean," he said, putting his plate in the sink and heading upstairs.  
Dean took a deep breath. Sam was probably right. If Dean cleaned up the Impala, his father probably wouldn't even notice. He would do it tomorrow, as it was too late in the day to do anything now. He did the dishes, cleaned up the living room, and started a load of laundry before sitting on the couch and watching some television. That's when he heard a deep voice mumble irrelevant words as keys fumbled at the front door. Dean turned off the television, laid down, and pretended to sleep. Sammy was beyond asleep at this point of the night.  
The front door creaked open as John walked in the door, almost tripping on his own feet. He walked to the living room, sitting in his favorite chair.  
"I know you're not asleep, boy," John spat at Dean. Dean opened his eyes, sitting up as his father yanked off his own shoes, missing them a couple times and muttering cuss words.  
"Was tryin' to," Dean muttered. John looked as if he had remembered something when he walked over to Dean, pulling him off the couch by his shirt collar.  
"Wanna explain what happen'd to ma baby out there?" John barked. He pulled Dean close enough that Dean could smell the alcohol in his father's breath.  
"S-Someone bumped the back of the Impala. I-It was an accident. I'll clean it up, I promise," Dean stuttered.  
"You better, boy. And I mean spotless clean. You hear me, boy?"  
"Y-yes, sir." John let go of Dean, and walked over to his chair, sitting down again.  
"You're worthless, you know that? A pure piece of shit. Can't do anything right," John looked straight ahead of himself, not even looking at Dean, as if what he was saying was nothing. Dean felt a pang of hurt but it was soon overcome by anger.  
"I take care of Sammy pretty well," Dean muttered under his breath, not realizing how loud he said it.  
"What'd you say to me?" John shot up out of his chair pulling Dean in by the collar again.  
"I said I take care of Sammy pretty well. More of a father than you," Dean shot, feeling good as the words came off of his tongue. His father's face contorted into complete anger as he punched Dean square in the jaw. He could feel blood drip down his chin as a fresh cut formed on his bottom lip.  
"Don' talk to me like that, boy. I am the father in this house."  
"Then act like it," Dean barked. John hit him once more, higher in the face, and Dean could feel a black eye forming.  
"You don' talk to me like that." John demanded, letting go of Dean as he fell and landed to the floor. John stumbled out of the house, taking a beer from the fridge with him as he left. "It shoulda been you. Not my Mary." Deans breath started to hitch, as he felt a panic attack start. His father had never said that. Never said he wished Dean dead. But to wish him to take Mary's place, somehow hurt worse. His heart started to race and he started to become dizzy as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing Cas' number. A couple rings later, and it was getting worse, as he thought Cas might not answer, he hard Cas' beautiful voice.  
"Dean? It's 1am, are you okay?" Cas asked, voice full of sleep and concern.  
"Cas-I-I can't-dad came home-and I can't-" he tried to breath as he lay on the floor, but he felt like his heart was jumping out of his body. He groaned in pain as he shook uncontrollably.  
"I'm coming, be there in ten," Cas said in a rush and quickly hung up. Dean's arm fell out to his side as he tried to control his breathing, but it didn't happen. Dean was glad that Cas only lived a couple streets away, but the next ten minutes seemed like an hour. He couldn't hear the door open or hear Cas tell his name, but the next thing he knew, his head was in Cas' lap as he looked up to the ceiling. His palms were sweaty, his heart was racing, his chest felt like it was going to burst, and he couldn't control any of it, especially the tears running down his face.  
"It's okay, Dean. It'll be okay," Cas muttered into Dean's ear, grabbing his hands into his own. Cas started to notice the blood on Deans chin and lip, some of it now on his t-shirt, and the blossoming bruise surrounding his left eye.  
"He-he hit you," Cas muttered to himself, as Dean squirmed and twisted in fear and pain. Dean was sure this was his worst panic attack yet. He couldn't control anything, his breathing, his sweating, or his shaking. All he could feel was fear.  
He had never called Cas over when his father had hit him. Never talked about it. Not that he didn't feel comfortable telling Cas, just that he didn't want him to worry that much about him although he already did with all of his panic attacks. But this time was different- what his father had said, made him want that too. The only thing keeping him here was Castiel and Sammy. Cas took one of his hands and started combing through Dean's hair, as his other hand held Dean's tracing his thumb in circles. Dean said nothing, couldn't say anything, didn't want to say anything. Just the presence of Castiel helped him calm down, as his chest stopped giving shooting pains.  
"Dean, look at me," Cas demanded, and Dean realized he was still staring up at the ceiling. Dean shifted as green grass met blue skies in a sight of concern. Dean felt his heart slow down, but quickly picked up as he saw Castiel looking at him with such loving eyes. He could hear his breath start to slow down as he started to calm down. Tears continued falling down his cheeks as he looked up at Cas. He tried to smile but soon winced as he felt the pain in his face pick up again.  
"I-I think it's done," Dean mumbled, as his breath slowed down.  
Cas gave Dean a small smile. "Let's get you on the couch." Dean nodded as Cas lifted Dean up and sat him down on the couch. Cas left for a minute and came back with a wet cloth, and started dabbing at Dean's lip and chin. Dean's hands were still shaking, but he felt in control of his own body again. Cas looked Dean in the eyes with concern, only inches away from Dean.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Cas asked, not wanting to cause Dean another panic attack if he had to think about it.  
"Just the usual, but some new stuff," Dean murmured, breaking the eye contact, and looking down at his hands.  
"New stuff," Cas repeated, not sure if it was a question or a statement.  
"Said it should have been me who died instead of Mom," Dean panted, as another tear rolled down his face. Cas' eyebrows went together in anger towards John, but he quickly smoothed out his face to comfort Dean, as he reached out his thumb to swipe away the tear.  
"He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about," Cas asserted.  
"Yes, he does. I'm worthless. I mess everything up. The only thing I can do right is take care of Sammy, and I can barely do that right." Dean sighed in annoyance at the several tears now falling down his face.  
"You really believe that?" Cas asked in disbelief. He always knew Dean was insecure and didn't see himself the way he should, but to agree to all of this - it hurt Cas.  
"Yes." Dean admitted, still staring at his hands.  
"You're so wrong, Dean. You're such an amazing person, why can't you see yourself the way others do - the way I do?" Cas shook his head, as Dean finally looked up from his hands, and stared at Cas, seeing that he was serious. Dean was exhausted. Exhausted of lying about his feelings for Castiel, and exhausted of feeling like crap every single day. Dean put his hands on both sides of Cas' face and pulled him in, smashing their lips together. He hummed happily, as their lips moved perfectly together. The kiss was loving and a little desperate. Dean moved so that he was on top of Cas, running his tongue over Cas' bottom lip. Cas opened his mouth, and Dean explored everywhere in his mouth. It hurt his bottom lip to kiss Cas, but the adrenaline running through him numbed the pain.   
"Dean," Cas groaned, pulling away from the kiss, looking as if the kiss was a mistake.  
"Oh," is all Dean said as he pulled back, and rejection filled him.  
"No, Dean, that's not it, I just don't think that we should do this when you're upset," Cas grabbed Dean's chin, making Dean look at him.  
Cas licked his lips, and Dean's eyes followed the movement.  
"Cas, please. I've wanted this for so long," Dean begged. He was tired and sad. He just wanted Cas to be there for him, and he'd wanted to kiss Cas for so long.  
Cas looked at him, in a way Dean had never seen before, as he grabbed the back of Dean's neck and pulled him in, kissing him softly and tenderly. Dean hummed appreciatively and Cas pushed Dean down onto the couch. Cas slotted his thigh in between Dean's legs, rubbing against his dick. Dean brought his head back, breaking off the kiss, as he moaned. Cas kissed Dean's neck, down to his collarbone.  
"Shit, Cas," Dean gasped and pulled Cas by the neck to kiss him again. This kiss was sloppier and more insistent than the first, but somehow just as meaningful. Dean's hands went up to Cas' sides as one of his hands went under Cas' shirt feeling his back, his stomach, his chest. His hand went up to roll one of Cas' nipples in between his fingers, causing Cas to break off the kiss, dropping his head to Dean's shoulder as he groaned in delight. Cas rutted against Dean once more, causing Dean to moan.  
"I love you, Dean," Cas gasped, meaning every word. They both froze in surprise. Cas moved his head to look Dean in the eyes as Dean smiled.  
"I love you too, Cas," Dean admitted. Dean smiled the biggest, brightest smile he's shared in a long time. Although it hurt to smile, he managed. Cas smiled back at him as his heart leaped in happiness.  
Dean loved Cas.  
Cas loved Dean.  
They kissed once more, but this time it was different. It was soft, and full of love, not desperation or want, just love. It was simple.  
Neither of them knew why that hadn't had said it earlier.


End file.
